CMS Adds Pool Noodles to List of Covered Durable Medical Equipment

In a surprising move, the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) announced today that Medicare will now cover pool noodles under its durable medical equipment benefit. The decision, announced during a press conference earlier this week, marks the first time an item typically associated with summer fun has been recognized as a medical necessity.

CMS representatives explained that the inclusion of pool noodles is part of a broader initiative to promote "holistic wellness" and "creative mobility solutions." Dr. Eleanor Swinton, spokesperson for CMS, stated, "We are constantly evaluating new ways to support our beneficiaries in their pursuit of health. Pool noodles are versatile, lightweight, and effective in providing support, whether it's for aquatic therapy or as a makeshift cane."

The decision has sparked a flurry of activity among DME suppliers who are now scrambling to stock up on this newly eligible equipment. A leading supplier, Medical Solutions Inc., reported a 200% increase in pool noodle orders within hours of the announcement. "We've never seen anything like this," said a bewildered manager. "One moment, we were focused on wheelchairs and oxygen tanks; the next, we're being asked about color options and whether we offer noodles in fucia."

Pharmacists have expressed mixed reactions to the news. While some appreciate the willingness to think outside the box, others are left wondering how to explain to patients that their next prescription pick-up might include a bright pink pool noodle. "I never thought I'd be dispensing pool toys alongside medications," said Laura Jennings, a pharmacist in Chicago. "But here we are, preparing for the day when someone asks if their noodle is gluten-free."

CMS officials also hinted that this could be just the beginning of a wave of unconventional DME additions. Insiders suggest that inflatable flamingos and beach balls could be next, as part of a broader effort to encourage "active engagement in outdoor spaces."

Despite the initial shock, many in the healthcare industry are finding ways to adapt. One physical therapist has already developed a new program incorporating pool noodles into low-impact exercises, while a group of occupational therapists is working on a guide to "Noodle Ergonomics."

As with any major policy change, there are critics. Some have raised concerns about the long-term impact on Medicare costs, while others question the scientific evidence supporting the use of pool noodles in medical treatment. However, CMS remains steadfast in its commitment to expanding the definition of DME. "We're just getting started," Dr. Swinton said with a smile, "The future of healthcare is brighter—and more colorful—than ever."