Pharmacist Breaks Record for Most Prescriptions Filled During Commercial Breaks in First College Football Game of the Season

In a stunning display of speed, accuracy, and sheer willpower, local pharmacist Brian Patterson has broken the national record for the most prescriptions filled during the commercial breaks of a single college football game. As the gridiron action unfolded on his pharmacy's small TV, Patterson was a blur of white coat and pill bottles, managing to fill an unprecedented 238 prescriptions during the roughly 20 minutes of ad time throughout the game.

“It was a challenge,” Patterson admitted, sweat still glistening on his brow as he spoke to reporters after the final whistle. “But when that first commercial break hit, I knew I had to pick up the pace if I was going to beat last year’s record.”

Patterson's strategy was meticulous. He strategically lined up fast movers, did refills during the less exciting parts of the game, and even pre-printed patient ed sheets for the meds he knew would come up. The pharmacist credited his success to years of multitasking and "getting really good at tuning out announcers during timeouts."

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said pharmacy technician Jamie Larkin. “At one point, he was verifying a prescription with one hand and pointing at a replay of a touchdown with the other."

While Patterson's record-breaking day will be noted in the annals of pharmacy history, it wasn't without its moments of controversy. Some customers questioned the accuracy of the prescriptions filled during the game's high-stakes fourth quarter, but Patterson assured everyone that he double-checked each one between the instant replay reviews.

When asked what his next goal would be, Patterson remained humble but hinted that he might try to break his own record during the Super Bowl.

As for now, he’s just looking forward to a well-deserved rest—at least until next Saturday’s game.