In a recent press conference, Senator Jared Nebula (I-NV) proposed an unconventional explanation for the ongoing Adderall shortage plaguing the United States. The lawmaker confidently asserted that extraterrestrial beings are behind the scarcity of the popular ADHD medication.
"After extensive research and consultation with top-secret government agencies, I can confirm that aliens are responsible for the Adderall crisis," Senator Nebula declared. "These highly advanced beings have been covertly harvesting our Adderall supply to fuel their intergalactic spaceships and enhance their cognitive abilities during long-distance space travel."
The senator went on to explain that the shortage began when an alien scout ship crash-landed in Nevada's Area 51 in 2021. Upon discovering the effects of Adderall, the extraterrestrials allegedly became enamored with the medication's focus-enhancing properties.
"We believe they've been using cloaking technology to raid our pharmaceutical manufacturing plants and distribution centers," Nebula added. "It's the only logical explanation for the sudden disappearance of such large quantities of medication."
The FDA and DEA have yet to comment on Senator Nebula's claims. However, pharmaceutical companies have reported an inexplicable increase in nighttime disturbances at their facilities, often accompanied by strange, hovering lights.
In response to the senator's statements, the Anonymous Pharmacists Association (AnPhA) issued a press release urging calm among healthcare professionals and patients alike. "While we cannot confirm or deny the involvement of extraterrestrial entities in the Adderall shortage, we assure the public that we are working tirelessly to resolve the issue through conventional means," the statement read.
Senator Nebula has proposed the creation of a new government agency, the Bureau of Extraterrestrial Medication Security (BEMS), to address the alleged alien interference. The senator claims this agency would work to develop "anti-alien" protective measures for pharmaceutical facilities and negotiate with extraterrestrial visitors to find alternative sources of cognitive enhancement.
As the Adderall shortage continues, many in the healthcare community remain skeptical of Senator Nebula's extraterrestrial theory. However, some patients have reported seeing small, green figures rifling through their medicine cabinets in the middle of the night, leaving many to wonder if there might be some truth to the senator's outlandish claims.
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Tweet: Senator claims aliens behind Adderall shortage, proposes new agency to negotiate with extraterrestrials. FDA and DEA remain silent as pharmacies report mysterious nighttime disturbances. Is the truth out there, or just out of stock?